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Thursday, September 28, 2017

Unspoken words, untold feelings


The more i tried to deny my own feelings, the more i fall for him.
I want him to know, but I don't want to tell him.
Day by day, I can't get him off my mind.

He's kind of nerdy and clingy.
Yeah, he's clingy. Too clingy with me.
And I just can't help myself to not fall for him.

He's kind of who can encourage me to keep on studying.
He makes me wants to come to class everyday.
I feel so comfortable when I'm around him.
I can tell stories as much as I want when I'm with him.

He's kind of cute and funny and innocent too.
But sometimes he can be clumsy 😂
When it's just the two of us, he will be so much talkative.
And he'll be so much quiet when there's other people with us.
That's kind of cute for me. Haha

But what about him? 
Does he feels the same thing like I am?
Because sometimes he treats me like a friend.
And other times, he treats me like I'm someone special.
And he's kind of being so childish when he's with me.

But I don't want to be too focused on this kind of things.
I just want him to know about what I feel.
And I want to be sure of what he feels.

Furthermore, it's just the beginning.
I don't want to put a high hope this time.
Let it flows with time.
Allah knows better than us.
Lillahita'ala.



Sunday, May 14, 2017

I am confused.


Day by day, I'm getting confused with my own feelings.
Whenever how much I tried, my mind will always goes to him.

Sometimes, i wondering by myself..
"If he wants to get back with me, will I accept him or not?"

Truthfully, I'm scared to give the answer if it does happen.

If I said yes, I'm not ready to give any commitments anymore.
I'm scared to try once again, to get hurt.
Furthermore, my heart still aches with the reason he used to leave me before.
And he's still the same, does not trust me in any way.

If I said no, my heart, my mind, is longing for him.
And i do still hoping that he will change for the better.
That he could trust me and take a good care of me.
And it's not wrong to give him a second chance and try again.

But it's kinda impossible, isn't it?

I don't even know whether he's feeling the same thing with me or not.
I don't know whether his feelings for me before this, is true or not.
Or is it me, who are the one, feeling like this while he's not?

I don't know whether to hold on or just let go.
Me, myself, wants to let go because I don't want to think more about it.
But my heart wants to hold on at the same time.

This thing keep on distracting me. Ugh